Spirit That Grazes My Mind
by tkdgirl14
Summary: Zuko has gone through a lot in his life. Who's been there for him? Who encouraged him? Who gave him hope? Inner thoughts are sometimes the boldest, most soothing rhythm you embody. What lies in this boy's mind?
1. Gleaming Moon's Presence

**Note:** This will be multi-chaptered and flows through Zuko's life in exile. This first one you will see exactly who he feels so dear and sincere about.

**Gleaming Moon's Presence**

_Staring out into the glowing memories,_

_Standing in hushed silence._

_This glistening full moon has an affect,_

_I won't forget._

_For I remember her not by the Sun,_

_With its fiery chaos, but luminous heat._

_I see her in this gleaming full moon as it descends above the black horizon,_

_Its pure love and healing serenity._

_I see her soft golden eyes,_

_Their beauty so warming._

_Her voice I hear as it whispers in my ears._

_I'll remember,_

_I'll never forget,_

_I'll never give up;_

_Because she gave me hope._

My eyes search the washing tides as their lulls deafen my heart. I see the transparently wistful clouds glide by her enchanting, encircling presence. Forever she is engraved in my thoughts, in my heart, my soul. Her spirit looms over me, blessing my steps while darkness seemingly consumes me. 'Never forget who you are', she whispers so lightly. But who am I? I never wished or imagined this being my fate. I was going to change the world. I was going to sit on that flaming throne as this war only lingered on. I was going to finally make my father proud.

But now, every time the gleaming moon lights this dark, lifeless sky, I will remember. I can never give up. I will never let her down, not anymore.

As I gaze into the fire I only see my father's anger and rage, my sister's conceited ways as she follows in his shadow. But it does not matter anymore. I have my uncle. I have my mother eternally here with me, always with me.


	2. Flames

**Note:** Hey guys. I think you'll exactly when this is. Please review.

**Flames**

_Flames,_

_Burning, searing,_

_Running through my veins._

_Vile lies,_

_Unsuccessful tries._

_Fiery hate,_

_Burning shame._

Here I stand, chest venting, eyes racing in shock. Among the edge, I glare into the devouring flames as the ship slowly sinks beneath the tides. Uncle, he remains next to me, his heart racing in desperate relief to see me alive. His cry, his fear I saw when he glanced into this mess. I feel small wounds burning my face and steam flowing from my scorn figure as the fire runs through my veins. Water glazes my skin as my pure, black hair drips rhythmically.

I know who did this. Yet another unsuccessful try as he let out those vile lies as they seared through his teeth. A smirk formed on his lips as he paced away from us. No one would shame him like that; no one. But he'll regret this. He won't get away with this. No more.


	3. Bitterly Cold

**Author's Note: **This one is while Zuko is stowing away on Zhao's ship before they attack the North Pole. It is as he is preparing to leave to find the Avatar.

**Bitterly Cold**

_Bitterly cold,_

_The air it stings,_

_As it rests stingily bold._

_Only water,_

_Only ice,_

_Surrounds these iron ships._

_Why do I bother?_

_Because no matter how I fight,_

_It's never enough to give._

_But this time he'll be mine._

_This time I won't give up._

_This time, this time,_

_It will be enough._

Tying these stubborn ropes, I focus only on him. Uncle seems to peacefully pace in as he once again numbs my mind with his never-ending proverbs. But there's something in his voice.

His warmly golden eyes stare away from me. His voice shaking, uncle lets out, "I'm sorry, I just nag you because, ever since I lost my son," I almost caringly cut him off before he finishes.

"You don't have to say it," I start with my voice unusually soft, but he adds in more deeply.

"I think of you as my own." Turning to glimpse at him I feel something inside me. I relax my eyes in some sort of emotion. As he tightly wraps his arms around me with sincere affection I for once truly feel it; covering this bitterly cold tundra, I feel, warmth.


	4. Drifting

**Note: **This chapter happens just after The Seige of the North, as he and Iroh are floating along on the old raft, searching for land.

**Drifting**

_Drifting,_

_Drifting by;_

_Time passes with no stalls,_

_No halts._

_The sky is barren of clouds,_

_The ocean sways with song._

_We are alone in this desert of waters;_

_Drifting along,_

_No path to trail._

Sighing I wearily lean against the wooden post as we float aimlessly across this endless prairie. The tides smooth out the dead silence as uncle rests. Two weeks, fourteen days of ocean, of no destination. We are lost; there is nothing but water and ice. We are alone.

Mind racing back to the disaster, Zhao's rejection reflects. I see the avatar in my hands, snow grazing the earth. I remember the awry quiet lingering as I waited in that cave. That storm would not bar for me. It would be too easy, to simple to change my life for once.

He could never understand me, he finds life so simple, so light, but he doesn't know strife, he doesn't feel pain and regret. He does not understand.

This deaf, lifeless ocean, this never-ending sky, it does not bare mercy to my mind. Glancing into the washing, wistful waves I do feel some relief, some sort of feeling. At this moment we are free of troubles, free of our pasts, as we simply drift on.


	5. Forlorn

**Note: **Well this one is kind of worse than the previous ones, but I still hope you all like it. This is at the opening of Season 2. Please review!

**Forlorn**

_Forlorn,_

_Alone,_

_We rest in silence._

_Our past is now a myth,_

_Our future we can no longer see._

_How did this happen?_

_I fought,_

_And gave all I could._

_I kept going on,_

_I never gave up._

_So how does he reject us so?_

_How can he hate me so much?_

Faith no longer hides in my thoughts, nor does hope keep my path clear as I hold this blade in my hands. Bringing it to my head I cut away my home, I lose my birthright. But this doesn't matter. We are not traitors, we did what we could. Uncle and I take one last glance at the once bonding tie knots that embodied our home, our blood.

I gaze blankly as they float on in the soothing, cool river. Now, we will start a new life. But I will always remember one symbol of my home, Ursa, the one who gave me life. "You gave me hope, you gave me love. And now I'll give it back. I'll do what I'm destined to. I'll be who I am, and never forget it. You are my soul."

And yet, he and I are still, forlorn.


	6. Hate

**Note:** Generally, 'hate' can be viewed in any part of the series, but is meant to be seen just before 'the Cave of Two Lovers'. It's what I think Zuko really feels about his father. Read all the way to the end, or you might get the wrong picture. Thank you for reading, and please review!

**Hate**

_Hate,_

_Or maybe discipline._

_Remorse,_

_Or possibly pride._

_Sixteen years,_

_Of what I can't see._

_Three years of confusion and anger._

_And now,_

_A life of regret,_

_Separation,_

_And possibly,_

_Maybe,_

_Hate._

Resting my eyes, I lay on the soft grass silently. Uncle lounges around the fire, gazing into its burning flames. As I drift off my mind races to the past. I try all I can to stop these memories from biting me back, but they always find me.

'I didn't mean to disrespect you; I didn't mean to disrespect anyone. But so heartless, how could that man be so heartless, but it wasn't his life he was sacrificing now was it. And it seems I sacrificed my life, my birth, my honor for other men I had never met, never known. Yet you saw that I was a disgrace, a son unsuited to be Fire Lord, unfit to be prince.

Do you hate me? You must hate me, for all I do is to please you, to make you proud. But in your eyes it's not enough, it doesn't matter. Because I'm not yours, I couldn't be yours; Azula, she's your true legacy. She will make you proud. She won't disgrace you, she won't shame you.

You think that war is all that exists, all that matters. Fire is the only suitable element to rule this world. It doesn't matter about peace or balance. All you want, all you crave is power.

You are right; I am not your son, I never will be. I won't give in to your evil, your hate; because I will make a difference. I will not give up, not without a fight.

You've always loved Azula far more than me; you always made sure she followed in you footsteps, because she is perfect, she is a prodigy.

But I'll keep fighting. I'll keep learning. I'm not giving in to you. You don't know me. You don't know how I fight, how I strive to do what I know I'm destined to do. I may be surrounded by flames, but I am not evil. I know who I am.'

Sullenly opening my eyes, I gaze into the luminous, glowing stars. Uncle has fallen asleep. Propping myself up I glance around me; it seems I am alone in this solemn, silent forest. Trees rustle in the light, warming breeze as the air rests unstoppably. "I am not my father," I whisper almost inaudibly.

And yet my thoughts linger back, way before this disaster of life. I run through the rolling hills as he follows after me. Azula sprints along with me. We're young, too young to be caught up in this fiery fate. We all laugh joyously, peacefully as if the outer world does not exist, this war doesn't exist. Then I remember my father's face when She was gone. He stood without words in front of that graceful, golden pond. His eyes were empty and gray; blank and stiff. This couldn't possibly, even maybe be hate; not after this life we've been through. This is just another obstacle, another event, deafening our relationship. But this is not hate.


	7. Memories

**Note: **Sorry it took me so long to update. This one is well, I think you know when it is. I hope you like it, and please comment. : )

**Memories**

_Memories,_

_Engraved in my mind._

_I search to run away,_

_From their haunting past._

_I try to clear my path,_

_And end this pain I feel._

_But no matter what I do,_

_No matter where I go,_

_They find me._

_But then there she is,_

_Guiding my way;_

_Because no matter what has happened,_

_She has always been here,_

_Giving me hope,_

_Giving me faith._

I was wandering on without anyone, without any help or guidance; just pacing away from this pain. But these memories resurface my eyes. I see her again; I hear her soft voice. She's not here anymore. Not giving me love that I need so much.

Yet now, this boy, he somehow gives me hope. He reminds me of home, when I didn't care about the world around me; I was free, free of responsibility, free to live and love, free to be who I am. He is so careless and joyful, and free, like a hawk soaring above the earth, above the world.

But every time I see him, she reflects in my eyes, she whispers in my ears. She is here. I don't want this to stop. I can't let this stop. Distant, cold, stiff; that is who I am, who I am to the world. But that's not me. I wish I could be the boy I was when I ran endlessly through the grassy meadow in my home, the air glistening as sunlight warmed my skin. Uncle, he followed forever after me. He was with me; we were free.

But no, that is not the man I am anymore. I am scarred, I am shamed, and I can never leave this deathly fate.


End file.
